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slept till super late today, did some cleaning and wet to meet mumborians for photo session. Due to some technical difficulities, din get started off and din manage to burn the discs. Din stay on for the gathering cos of tuition. Jus finished PnC tuition, did almost e whole book, i hope tomorrow wld be good.

Tried hard not to dwell on certain things that cannot be voided, mayb its part of growing up process but hopes its all worth it i guess?

After much sense of thinking, i realised i am real real selfish. I’m building my own happiness on someone’s misery. Though i might find it rather happy and nice about it, the feeling of another party might be completely different and bad. Its real creul of me if i am going to continue it like this, i do not have any right to control anyone. I cannot because of my own fun and happiness make another one suffer. Though it might not be obvious or its not show ing it out, i could just feel it.. I’m Sorry..

i experienced a fight at the bus lol, this old man suddenly went crazy and whacked this guy and they landed up in a fight and the whole bus had to stop and detain themselves while they wait for the police to arrive. Its just a dispute started when e old man hit the guyand it blew up so big. Initially i thought it was e rashness of the guy that started the whole thing, after knowing the whole situation, it was kind of diff to stand at the point of both parties. Somehow, i pitied the girlfriend that was standing beside him and see him beat the old man up despite she trying very hard to settle it calmy..

Why do people always want to take the hard way to settle things, why both parties take a step back and suffer a little so that it would benefits the majority rather then the minorities? must all things be settled under the violent and lead to some severe consequences that could be voided off easily.

This few days, i am a super blurr guy. I keep alighting at the wrong busstop, walk overshot destinations and alight at wrong MRT Stops. Wad is the hell problem with me?? Blurr like nobody business. What am i thinking to be in such a state of blurness i wonder. Been pondering with computer parts the whole weekend. Went Sim Lim 4 times in a week lor.. Crazy me, at least i earned a rightful sum of cash for myself.. Bwahaha. Slept in English lesson and remedial lol.. CNY around e corner man, cant wait for it. Argggh.. Drown in the midst of goodiesss,, hahah,

Been too tired to blogg the last few days, since today gonna be the last day of school of the week, i’m gonna blogg ALL AT ONCE.. Hahaha..

17/1/05

Sec1 orientation, last minitue preperation for the kids, hoping that they will enjoy lol, but it doesnt really seem so bahs, all children camp and NCO camp stuffs, lolz they are neither children nor leaders, so its quite reasonable that they dun enjoy lars. But though they verbally say that they do not enjoy, but through the activites, could sense that they are starting to get the ruggedness and the names of their fellow friends. But for sure they know one thing, my name. Muhahahah. I guess i am too popular to this batch of Sec1s bahs. Haha.. Actually wanted to do my bonnie, but even my seniors are not up to this challenge. Even BT cant do it.. Sad:(

Band practise after that, Auld lang Sye, for Ms Tan’s farewell. Sightreading which sounds still alright bahs??

18/5/05

My Sec1s came and had their try out all the instruments, at least this time was a much easier time, do not need to poach and persuade and most of them could at least blow some stuffs out of the instruments, some of the rest are rushing their ass of the album that has to be given to miss Tan, pictures messages everythinng, this whole thing is a rush, madness total rush. Got to thank Christine and her section for planning and putting everything together, i think she deserve more than a pat on her shoulder. Well Done girl!When would everyone be like her and be willing to take up such kind of responsibility within such a short substantial time. And this time is really a self initiated, i din force her to do it! Yea, and moxi too, very glad to see her attitude improve a milestone.

Rehearsal for Fanfare, Ancient Airs and wadeva. Tuba did alot of cock and rubbish at the foyer. And i dunno what is the problem with Si Shuo, guessed from what he has told me, he has suffered alot. Tolerating and stuffs. Mayb its again a two-sided conflict. Partly my fault for not realising it earlier and he actually shouted at Pam in bandroom in front of a Tutor which was so embarrassing. I dun even dare to shout at Sec5 and he actually shouted lor. He really has e guts man and i was completely stunt when he shout lor. And during the rehearsal, he was completely gone for the first half and hour, and he had better thank god he didnt came down earlier if not i would have blasted him in front of the whole school in the foyer. Blood boiling with anger at the very point of time. Soon after playing the Auld Lang Sye than my temper slowly simmer down and spoke to him after the whole thing. Pls do not get my section into such a state like some others that have internal conflicts and it would be super diff to get back again.

19/1/05

Miss Tan’s farewell, got away for lessons early and get changed and stuffs, not prepared at all for anything. Slowly dilly dally at first den after that, everyone was rushing like hell uniform not changed, staged not set up everything. But dun care lahs. Its jus such a minor thing, not worth my effort to waste much time thinking too much abt it. The AMKsians simply sark in singing man, the whole band totally played notes for the song and CS and I cant be bothered at all, no one is in any sad mood for us to portray our feelings also. Simply played notes. Bwahaha

After the whole thing, took of blazer sash and all the uncomfortable stuffs on my body, den sum1 came running and tell me to go see Ms Seah to present the token of appreciation to Miss Tan. Totally shagg off by it, haf to wear everything back again. And from what Beatrice and e rest say, can say that me and CS are the most unkempt leaders bahs. Cs can wear white socks with his black shoes. Yea, went to the staff lounge to tidy up and still got to be taught what to be said to miss tan, stuffs like thanks for supporting us all the way through our music making journey and stuffs. Den finally when back and CS was there teaching how to be 30% musically for esther. Din stayed back to prac, went to Sim Lim and got infomation abt e comps i going to make and noticed about the market for digital cameras, thinking of buying one very very soon. The old one died off on Monday jus completely shut down.

20/01/05

Nothing much for e day, me Ed and Jan were having some kind of crying competion seeing who can cry first. I gave my first yawn, thought of some sad sad stuffs and drop my first tear while Ed and Jan were still trying hard to squeeze their tearbuds out of their eye. Soon Edward and me fell asleep while thinking and trying hard to cry. And after we woke up, Jancy drop her tear at last and it was like the whole 3 periods she was trying to cry so hard. Had some shit assembly and that cocky SIVA telling some SAD story of his. English test, totally out of ideas, jus crapped some stuffs outta my brains and handed up and went bandrm, and went out bandrm. Din even do anithing at all there lol, after seeing that Jessic was teaching Pamela, den i was kind of ok liao den i left. Went all the way to Habourfornt to get my Cam repaired and then went walk there. Never been there since so long and that place was completely out of my memory like never before. The bus journey was sick man. More den one hour, slept and woke up and slept still hvnt reach yet.

Could say that these few days, were so kept busy with these stuffs that i werent emotionally stabled for things. Moreover, the only support was fading off away from me and i am really unsure about how is it going on. Mayb its part of jealousy or other stuffs, i dunno. I jus know that my feelings are still the same or even stronger, but its just not getting any better. Hais.. I just need that little from u to brighten up my life, but i guess it isnt jus there after all.

hais.. i am really tired, truly very very tired nowadays. Totally tied up by my schdule both by band, my own family schdule and other stuffs. i’m feeling like a total heartless cold-blodded zombie walking everyday through life, not really knowing what i am doing. As all those responsibility piles more and more, i really do not know how i am going to solve all of them. Problems just get piling up and up.. AHH!!!! i’m going real crazy already. Can i request for more time in my life.

Guess i am not spending the right amount of time in the correct place. Sorry if i have not given you enough time or spend time analyzing the situation and salvaging it. Sorry if i hadnt notice about what all that had been happening around me. I do not know at all what i am doing, whether its right or wrong, however it is its real devasting for me to see things like that all around. If given the time to think it hard enough, i will cry… i cant bear to see it like this, but i dunno if this is the correct choice or what. But i am not feeling any better either.

Lolx, its such a boring day today. Woke up late and slack the whole day. Only started revising on Bionomial Theroem for the test on Monday. Was spurred up by Zephan when he suddenly ask he how to do Q6 in Tys and i ’stunt’ din expect him to be so harworking lor. Den i also duno the ans, after dat Ying� told us e solution den was abit shock, cos i wuld haf never have thought of that kind of ans one. Den started to pract my maths lor.. Did a few Qs then sort of settle down wif it alreadi.

Then i went on to think about the stuffs i could do with my sec1s on Monday. Sought David for some ideas and he gave me all the mumbo stuffs he could think of. Think i am gonna use some of the NCO camp games and modify it a little here and there. I think the my bonnie is really cool and fun. Pray to God that those Sec1s will like it and think that Band is a fun CCA and will enjoy in it.

Regarding this respond, i’m rather sad abt it. But i guess u have really no choice but to say that bahs, mayb u are too packed to do anithing or its of no interest to you. But i will still carry on the way i wan the task to be done, this is not the end yet and i am gonna pursue it further and not give up. I’m real serious about this this time. Really!

Singapore, all the best for tomorrow or might as well todays second leg finals! Indonesia!??*yawns*

Argh, this is the worst stomachache i’ve ever encounted so far in my life. i guess its because of me skipping meals and eating junk food as meals i think. There are much times where i’m so involved that i forget my meals or somehow i’m just too lazy to eat. Had runs and runs throughout the night and it does not really feels good though.

Had house council dis afternoon and Katat and Siva was elected Captain and Vice-Captain respectively lol..can say that they are so sway lol. The rest few of us like aline and me are jus in the council doing nothing lor. Dun think we will do anithing bahs. bwahaha. thats all for the day i guess, another boring day.